What Have We Learned?

What Have We Learned?
By Anthony LoGatto

Written: 10-29-01
Finished: 12-12-01

This is a story where I talk to many of my favorite characters (from me or
not) about the tragedy that fell on September 11, 2001. Many characters you'll know, or some you don't, but you'll respect them all the same. I hope you love this little tribute. Don't forget to read and review this tribute.

Host: Anthony LoGatto

Interviewees: Groucho Quax
Creepy Susie (The Oblongs)
Larry 3000 (Time Squad)
Buck Tuddrussel (Time Squad)
The Grim Reaper (Grim & Evil)
Josie Omitsu
Cow & Chicken (Cow & Chicken)
The Red Guy (Cow & Chicken, I.M. Weasel)
Baron Karlott (Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour)
Polly Roger (Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour)


(The story begins with an exterior shot of a restaurant near Ground Zero. Workers are working day and night to clear the wreckage that went on 9-11-01. Grim, of Grim & Evil, walks by GZ. He takes a look at the damage.)

Grim: Humph. I've seen more tragedies that ended this badly. (Walks, but
still looks at the damage) Even if I didn't expect I'd be getting more souls to limbo. But, at least I was doing me job. (Unhappy) And they still haven't called me to take Osama Bin Laden to his demise. (puts a bony finger on his chin and thinks) I wonder how Hector CanCarne is taking this?

(switch to Hector's island base near the US. You can hear Hector scream with a mix of anger & jealousy.)

Hector: (off-screen) (livid) CURSE YOU OSAMA BIN LADEN!!!!!! (switch to inside the base, where the disembodied brain that is on top of the dumb bear, Boskov, is discussing the matter with Major Dr. Ghastly and General Skarr.) All my life I've been making brilliant plans to dominate the world. I would never see any of those terrorist upstarts making me look like a fool. And what did I get in return? That stinkin' Osama Lin Laden sent his troops, and blew up both the World Trade Center, and The Pentagon and for me? (bangs his head on the inside of the jar.) Absolutely nothing!

Major Dr. Ghastly: Well chief, at least we haven't been suspected.

Gen. Skarr: Plus, that's very unoriginal of them to use airplanes as missiles.

Hector: That's the thing! At times like this, I wished that my real body didn't explode! If I had hands, I'll strangle him!

Major Dr. Ghastly: Well, there is one option.

Gen. Skarr: And what, pray tell, is it?

Major Dr. Ghastly: We could help the United States take on the Taliban. It's not being out of character, but-

Hector: (liking the idea) Excellent. We should help the United States in their war against terrorism. And afterwards, we shall dominate the world. (to
Boskov) Come, Boskov; we have work to do. (Boskov does as he's told, and runs towards the lab. On the way, Boskov accidentally bonks Hector on the door's pole.) (angry) Ouch! Curse you, Boskov!

(switch back to NYC, as Grim continues to walk and see Ground Zero. Along the way, he sees The Oblongs' Creepy Susie, also looking at the damage.)

Grim: (to Susie) Susie, what are you doing here?

Susie: Oh, I'm just standing here, looking at the destruction that fell on that terrible day.

Grim: Oh. (under his breath) For a Goth, you sure are sorry for these people.

Susie: (hearing Grim) I know. (Grim looks at her, shocked) I used to go to the Twin Towers when I was 8. (flashback to 1993, where Susie and her family are in the viewing deck of Tower #1) It was 3 months after the first, and unsuccessful, bombing. My father had got enough money for the vacation. (squiggle back to the present, where the Twin Towers are reduced to rubble.) And now, I don't know what to say.

Grim: I know. The good thing is at least nobody's running around screaming like a dead-brain monkey. (on cue, a panicked New Yorker runs around
screaming like the end of the world has arrived.)

Panicked Man: (panicked) THE END IS NEAR, PEOPLE. THE TALIBAN WILL DESTROY US ALL!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Susie & Grim look on, as the man's scream gets fainter as he runs out of view.)

Grim: (perplexed) Well, so much for that.

Susie: At times like this, I wish I were religious. (as she says that, a priest runs around, also screaming like the end is near.)

Priest: IT'S ALL OVER PEOPLE!!! WE DON'T HAVE A PRAYER!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (runs out of view)

Susie: (after looking at the priest acting like a complete idiot) So, why are you here, Grim?

Grim: Well, Anthony wanted me to come here.

Susie: So did I. I wonder why he wanted to talk to us for? (as she says that, a man in a trench coat comes towards them. He then whispers to them)

Man: Psst. (Susie & Grim hear him, and turn towards him) Who are you two?

Susie: I'm Susie Scareum, but everyone calls me Creepy Susie.

Grim: And I'm the Grim Reaper. And Anthony sent us.

Man: All right. Follow me. (strangely, he does a butt walk, as he & Susie follow him)

Grim: (notices the butt walk) Hmm. He looks kind of familiar.

(switch to a somewhat average apartment building. Grim, Susie, & the unknown are at the front door. The man punches in a code, and the three of them get sucked inside like a vacuum. They all then land on the ground, in a darkened room. The man's coat is gone, revealing him to be The Red Guy, from Cow & Chicken and I.M. Weasel)

Grim: I knew you looked familiar. You're the Red Guy.

Red Guy: (mock confusion) Oh? How'd ya know?

Susie: Your unmistakable butt-walk.

(Red Guy looks at them for a moment. He then explains why he's here.)

Red Guy: Well, I suppose that you two are here because Anthony invited you for a special meeting. (walks to a door)

Susie & Grim: (unison) [confusion] Meeting?

(as they say this, the Red Guy opens the door. Inside are characters from various cartoons. There's Buck Tuddrussel, the time cop, and his robotic friend, Larry 3000 from Time Squad; two of Anthony's original characters, Groucho Quax of the Quax Brothers, and Josie Omitsu, former and successful hentai star; Chicken and his large sister Cow, from Cow & Chicken; and teenage pirate, Polly Roger, and the spooky duck, Baron Karlott from the video game, Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour. They are all having a chat amongst themselves. Pan towards a kid reading a newspaper. He pulls it away to reveal to be the author himself. He takes a stern look at Susie and Grim.)

Anthony: [stern] You're late.

Susie: Sorry. We were trying to find the place, until the Red Guy showed us.

Anthony: I see. It's a good thing I sent him to get you two. (rises from his seat) Now that you're here, let's start the meeting. (claps his hands to get the other's attention.) Alright, everyone. Let's start the meeting.

(everyone stops what they're doing, and walks towards a round table seen at corperate meetings. As everyone is seated, Anthony begins the meeting.)

Anthony: Now, do you all know why I call you all here today?

(everyone says their answer ala ad-lib)

Everyone: Nope/No idea/Beats me, etc.

Anthony: (sighs) If you didn't notice, I wanted to tell you about the tragedy that fell on September 11. As if you didn't know, I was at my school when it happen. I even passed it before it got hit. I heard the collapse at 10:40 when I went to my Global Studies class. I called you here, 'cause I want to know what you guys thought of the tragedy. (Larry raises his hand) Yes, Larry?

Larry: Well Anthony, in pure irony Tuddrussel, Otto, and I were going to 1975, where the Twin Towers was finished. We got a word of it before we went, so we cancelled the trip in respects. (suddenly Buck interrupts him)

Buck: Hate to intrude on ya, Larry. But this tragedy has got me thinking.

Anthony: About what, Buck?

Buck: [angry] Those stinkin' terrorists, man! If we knew about the attack on the 10th, those towers would still be standing! Now thanks to Osama Bin Laden, those towers are nothing but a memory! I want to go to Sauda Arabia, or Afghanistan and punch every one of them camel jockeys out!

Larry: (calms Buck down) Easy Tuddrussel; as much as you like to punish them through brute force, not all Arabians are despicable. The good ones feel as sorry as we are.

Buck: (calms down) Alright. But I still want to kick Bin Laden's butt.

(Groucho then raises his hand)

Anthony: Yes, Groucho?

Groucho: Well, if you haven't noticed, you're not the only one that was around when 9-11 struck. I was at a restaurant that was near the World Trade Center. (as he says this, flashback to 9-11-01. Groucho and another duck are having a chat.) We were talking about how great the Big Apple is, and the current mayoral elections that are coming. I then proudly raise my glass and say to him, (in flashback) "If New York isn't the best city in the world; I'll be the chicken that laid the squared egg". (after he says the squared egg remark, a plane flies by and hits Tower 2. He hears it and turns his head around.)

Friend: (nonchalantly) Isn't that something?

(Groucho turns as he hears his friend's remark. As he turned his head, another suicide plane zooms by, and hits Tower 1. He meekly glances to the burning building, and meekly clucks like a chicken. Ripple back to three weeks later.)

Groucho: Last thing I noticed was that when the building imploded, both of us ran like heck. That was the last time I ever saw the Twin Towers standing.

Anthony: Thanks for the input. Anyone else? (Cow & Chicken raise their hands.) Yes guys?

Chicken: Well, after the tragedy, we came back to school. Cow had the stupidity of asking why the American flag was in half-mast.

Cow: I thought a government official died.

Anthony: No Cow, that flag was in half-mast because of the tragedy on 9-11. You thought that someone died, because of the half-mast; but more than one person died on that day.

Chicken: Told you so, Cow.

(Josie Omitsu raises her hand)

Anthony: Josie, I understand you have something to say.

Josie: (controlled) Yes, I do. Ever since I first heard of Osama Bin Laden back in 1999 at Little Tokyo, I never trusted him. But now since he works for the Taliban, which makes women look like unknowns in their own life, I know that he must be stopped! To me women are the people that men need for love in their lives, not gruesome sexism.

Cow & Chicken: (confused) What?

Polly Roger: (to them) You'll see when you're older.

Josie: Anthony, you know my film career like you know a book, I have beauty and respect for many. But I'm not as heartless as Bin Laden and his stinking Arabian dogs!

Anthony: (smiles) Thanks for the um... (clears throat) riveting speech. Anyone else?

(Baron Karlott raises his hand)

Anthony: Yes, Baron?

Baron Karlott: Well, I was kind of wondering if anyone did their part in helping out those that lost their friends and family?

Grim: Well Baron, since you put it that way, I have sent the government a letter asking for me to dispose of Osama Bin Laden personally.

Chicken: (impressed) Whoa, really? Like a mercenary for hire?

Grim: (modest) Heh-heh, you can say it like that, boy.

Chicken: Cool! Did they respond yet?

Grim: Not yet; but I'm still waiting for them to accept me.

Susie: Well, at High Valley High, we're doing our best to collect anything so we can raise money for the Afghanistan children.

Josie: Really? Are you and your friends successful?

Susie: Well, only the citizens at the Valley are helping out, but the people from the Hills, well...

Polly Roger: Let me guess, they didn't want to help anyone lower then them, even if it's scum?

Susie: (thinks about it) Well, maybe.

Larry 3000: Hmph. Typical of them. They always say that the poor is the most undeserving part of America, especially the ones that are deformed.

Buck: (confused) What?

Larry 3000: The rich loathes the poor.

Buck: Oh, right. I knew that.

Larry 3000: (groans as he clutches his forehead)

Groucho: Well if that doesn't cheer you up, my brothers and I are doing our part for the boys in the only way we can.

Josie: What's that?

Groucho: We're going to be a part of the USO Show. It's like Bob Hope trading jokes with the troops back World War II and the Gulf. We leave as soon as the boys hit Afghanistan ground.

Anthony: (proud) That sounds great, Groucho. And I also loved what you guys have told me throughout this meeting. (camera rotates around the table, showing everyone and their support.) Everyone's ideas worked out for the best, and are happy about. For example, I told Dick Dastardly about 9-11, and look how he took it.

(Switch to Dastardly's home somewhere around the airbase where he and Muttley tried to stop Yankee Doodle pigeon. From the sound of his tone, he is not happy.)

Dick Datardly: (off screen) [angry] DRAT YOU, OSAMA BIN LADEN!!! DRAT, DRAT, AND DRAT! (switch to inside, as Dick is talking to Muttley about 9-11.) That rat did the impossible, which is destroying the World Trade Center, and gives us villians a bad name. Haven't I've done worse at the racing tracks, Muttley?

Muttley: Rep. (does his trademark laugh)

Dick Dastardly: Of course, you chicken of a dog! I always have a dastardly plan to cheat at the Wacky Races, and even though each one of them failed to let us win, we still gave it our best shot. (walks around his many gadgets that he and Muttley used to cheat in the Wacky Races.) I've used glue, bombs, magnets, thumbtacks, shrink rays, even oil slicks; but none one of them got us a single victory. We might even win the race the hard way: without cheating! Now ask me Muttley, what does Osama Bin Laden got in villiany that I haven't?

Muttley: (snickers as he points to a picture of Bin Laden, and Dastardly notices that Osama doesn't have the traditional villianous mustache; but instead has a beard.)

Dick Dastardly: (peeved) Stop joking around, Muttley. Us villians know that beards are not proper villian attire. One more joke like that, and you'll be tarred and feathered in the next race! (turns around)

Muttley: (to himself) Razza frazza sonecinon ra. (Dastardly overhears him)

Dick Dastardly: (peeved) What was that?! (Muttley covers it up by kissing Dastardly's hand)

(switch back to the meeting)

Anthony: I even heard that Spongebob and Squidward are doing their part at the Bikini Bottom Circus. Look how they're doing.

(Switch to Bikini Bottom, where a circus tent is up, and many sea creatures are coming to the show. Switch to inside the tent, where Squidward is dressed up as a clown {in the style of Emmett Kelly}, and checks himself in the mirror. He is his usual grumpy self.)

Squidward: (grumpy) Why did I ever let that yellow headache Spongebob talk me into being a clown? I want to play my clarinet to those victims, not make them laugh their butts off. (Spongebob appears, also dressed as a clown {Bozo style}, as his usual happy self.)

Spongebob: (cherry) Hiya, Squidward! Are you ready for the performance?

(Squidward snaps to, and notices Spongebob. Knowing Spongebob's intellegence, he changes his attitude for him.)

Squidward: (normal) Oh, Spongebob. I'm almost ready. By the way, why are we doing this again?

Spongebob: Why it's for those victims of September 11th. Mr. Krabs knows good money when he sees that oppertunity, so he put us on the show to raise it for him. Isn't that great!

Squidward: (pretend rememberance) Oh, I see. Thanks.

Spongebob: We're almost on in five minutes. Remember what we practiced, Squidward. Be funny! (does some flips on his way out of the dressing room. Squidward changes back to his grumpy self)

Squidward: (grumpy) Well, if it's for the money. (puts his beat up hat and his red nose on. He squeezes to release a single honk.)

(switch back to the meeting)

Red Guy: Yes, I see that those sea creatures can always bring the house down with their clowning glory.

Polly Roger: Well, knowing Spongebob and Squidward, I think they can put on a spectacular performance.

Baron Karlott: (confused) How do you know them? They live underwater.

Polly Roger: I was friends with Sandy Cheeks before she moved to Bikini Bottom. She contacts me usually when she's not busy.

Susie: That's some long distance connection there.

Anthony: Right. But anyway, this is the greatest connection that we, the American people can do: Not just you or I, but every single American that has a single shed of patriotism for our country. (as he is talking, a fife & drum, playing "Battle Hymn Of The Republic", starts softly in the backround.) When we get through this, and believe me we will, our soldiers are acting the same piece of bravery that was seen in World War II. (music gets a little louder) When I was a little boy, I was told that I can do many great things in our country. (stands on the table, as the backround changes to the American flag waving) Because this is America: the land of the free, and the home of the cheeseburgers! (backround then shows a cheeseburger with fries and soda to emphasize his point. It then changes back to the flag) And every single one of us; whether you're a man or a woman, black or white, goth or a skeleton, we shall be proud that we live in a country where everyone can be free to do what they want, when they want, and how they want! I am Anthony Louis LoGatto, and I am proud to be apart of the United States... (catches his breath) of America!!!!!! (shoots his arms in the air, flashing two V's for victory as fireworks are heard in the backround.)

(as the last line of the song "History Repeats Itself" is sung, everyone erupts with cheers. Everyone but Anthony, Groucho, Josie, Susie, & Grim run out of the meeting cheering in hapiness.)

(everything is silent. It ends after Grim asks Anthony something.)

Grim: Um, do you think that the government will accept my offer?

Anthony: (snaps to) Of course. You are Death, aren't you?

Grim: Of course I am. (echoey) I am the master of the forces of life & death! (normal) I must be off; for the Taliban must pay for their crimes against humanity! Look out Taliban; here comes the Grim Reaper! (runs out of the meeting room, believing that he is off to kill the Taliban. Pan towards Josie, Groucho, and Susie.)

Susie: (shakes her head sadly) Death: all bones, but no brains.

(Josie nods her head to say that she agrees, while Groucho looks at the door strangely. Fade out)


In Memory to all that are lost in the World Trade Center tragedy. My heart goes out to you all at this time of need.


Featuring the voices of (in order of appearance):
1.Grim Reaper ("Grim"): Greg Eagles
2.Hector CanCarne: Phil Lamarr
3.Major Dr. Ghastley: Grey DeLisle
4.General Skarr: Armin Shimmerman
5.Boskov: Frank Welker
6.Creepy Susie: Jeannie Elias
7.The Red Guy, Panicked Man, Cow, Chicken: Charlie Adler
8.Himself, Panicked Priest, Groucho Quax: Anthony LoGatto
9.Larry 3000: Mark Hamill
10.Buck Tuddrussel, Groucho's Friend: Rob Paulsen
11.Josie Omitsu: Jackie Farrell
12.Polly Roger: Tress MacNeille
13.Baron Karlott: Shaun Flemming
14.Dick Dastardly: Jim Cummings
15.Muttley: Billy West
16.Squidward Tentacles: Rodger Bumpass
17.Spongebob Squarepants: Tom Kenny

Grim, Hector, Ghastley, Skarr, Boskov, Cow, Chicken, Red Guy, Larry, Buck, Dastardley and Muttley are © Hanna-Barbera and Cartoon Network.

Creepy Susie is © Angus Oblong.

Squidward and Spongebob are © Nickelodeon.

Polly Roger & Baron Karlott are © to Crystal Dynamics & Disney.

Groucho & Josie Omitsu are © Anthony LoGatto and Wacked Out Entertainment.

All characters are © to their owners, 2001, all rights reserved.